Tomorrow's May 1. It's a holiday because it's Labor Day. And it's also the day I leave for camp. I've already raided my closet, and my room's a mess-- with clothes strewn all over the floor. Normally, I am a tidy person, but not today.

The thing is, I dislike packing and unpacking. Camp's for three days, and I usually have a hard time with choosing what to bring and what to wear. I end up packing everything, and I can't seem to get the suitcase closed, so I have to call my mom. She helps me out by folding everything into small pieces so that they can all fit, and also minimizing the entire thing by removing a lot of items. Yup, this happens every summer; the day before camp.

I IM'ed Joaquin earlier asking if he was finished packing. He said he hadn't started yet, but I bet he's done by now. Guys have it made. All they need are a few shirts, bottoms, underwear, and toiletries, then they're all set. They pack so much faster than we girls do. After all, they really don't mind if they wear the same shirt over and over again or something. Guy thing probably.

I on the other hand refuse to wear the same outfit again the next day. I usually wait for about a week or so, and I make sure my clothes are clean. Now don't think I'm impractical. I'm not like those girls who wear their outfits ONCE then go straight to the mall with their daddy's Visa and go shopping for new clothes. It's just that I'm very hygienic, and I believe that once I wear something throughout the day, that particular outfit has probably accumulated dirt and germs-- so I dump it in the laundry hamper. That's just how I am. I have the tendency to wash my hands asap after touching something dirty (like money, doorknobs, etc).

I'm looking forward to go to camp tomorrow. The place is in Laguna, and I heard it's really great. I'm excited to play soccer with the other kids. I get to sit with Camille on the bus, and I can't wait to see my other friends. I already bought chips and snacks, and toiletries, etc. I like having the independent spirit too. I mean three whole days far away from home. I just hope I don't get homesick though. Sometimes I miss my family, and Laguna just seems so far away.

After camp, it's the start of LSC. I better do my best and do great on this one, because I don't think I did good during my previous review class.

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Living in a corrupt society with a greedy government and selfish politicians, there is chaos and doubt. Elections are coming soon, and candidates with potentials say manipulative and overrated statements, hoping to win the votes of the mass. It's always the same shtick. Promises here and there, but when the results are posted, they don't even help improve our country, but instead, they're the main cause of all this entropy.

Innocent people are lost, integrity is violated, and chaos reigns. They are calling out for someone to speak up for them, to be the voice of the silent, and to save them from predicaments. They long for a hero.

When we think of a hero, what automatically comes to mind? To some it may be someone legendary. Others might think of a hero as someone of great strength or ability; possibly an influential soldier or warrior. Perhaps someone admired for their achievements and great qualities. To me, it once meant someone that showed great courage.

The Fantastic 4, Zorro, Batman, Superman are some of the characters that we stereotypically constitute as heroes. They are known to fight with courage without fear of death. They destroy the enemy within a blink of an eye. They fight using their own body strength, superpower, or some kind of weapon. They come to the rescue miraculously and leave without a trace. They are mysterious. We are unable to identify who they are underneath the masks and disguises. Yet, we praise them and ignore the real heroes that surround us regularly, ordinarily. All of us like to believe that in a moral emergency we will behave like the heroes of our youth, bravely and forthrightly, without thought of personal loss. In other words, we are quite oblivious to the ordinary people of the world that are, in fact, the true heroes.

These heroes are not the equivalents to the Fantastic Four or Superman; they might even flee instead of fight a dangerous situation. However, when they do fight, they fight with courage and integrity.

We need to give importance to these heroes in our lives. Examples of them are security guards, traffic officers, surgeons, doctors, and even our own parents. They help us with our daily lives. They may not have super powers, but they are still able to help improve lives, even through small things. We should learn to appreciate these people.

Our country needs people like them. We need people who make promises they can keep, respect the rights of humans, abide in the laws of the constitution, etc. Integrity and dignity are two important factors. Without them, there is no reliance. Living in a democratic country, there are also consequences. With freedom comes responsibility. Elections are just around the corner. Hopefully, it would be a clean match. No bribery, slander, or libel included. May all the citizens vote wisely, and may the winners of the elections stick to their word.

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Yesterday, I went to Eastwood with Joaquin. His birthday's on April 30, so I decided to buy him a gift. Then we played billiards for the longest time. Joaquin was really good. Boo.

Then I went to the bathroom to freshen up. When I turned around, another girl was entering. Then she froze. We stared at each other quizically, for about 5 seconds. Then the girl let out a scream. I PANICKED, okay. And my heart literally jumped. It was Kimmy. I didn't recognize her, vice versa. Haha. Then we hugged each other and started talking. Random moment.

After that, Joaquin and I decided to have dinner. We had pasta and pizza, etc. Then we went to Dairy Queen and bought ice cream. It was delicious.

Eastwood was really dead yesterday. Not much people, but I still enjoyed it. It's nice to walk around the place. It wasn't crowded. Thank you so much Joaquin, I had a great night.

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While waiting for my mom to finish, I came upon an email that my friend forwarded me. It contained a video entitled 'The Interview with God'. After watching it, I felt inspired and encouraged, that I decided to post the conversation of the video. So.. Here it is, and I hope you enjoy it. It's very striking.





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This morning, I woke up feeling extremely grumpy. For one thing, I hate waking up at 5am. It's just like waking up for school, and I'm not exactly a morning person. I love getting up at around 8am, because early morning, it's so much fun to just sleep in; snuggled under a warm blanket, embracing my favorite pillow, and enjoying the cold dewy air.

Anyway, every Tuesday, I am obligated to wake up at 5am. My dad's a pastor. On Tuesdays, they have this thing called Dawn Watch. It's held in the church frrom 6am-7am, and it's really cool because there's praise and worship at the beginning, then a speaker gives out an encouraging slash inspirational message for about 30 minutes, and then you pray throughout the remaining time. The church decided to have it at 6am, because they believe that we should make it a point to put God first everyday.

Since my dad's a pastor, he has to go-- but he likes it very much. My dad and my mom love to go, and they bring me with them. I on the other hand, don't like it very much. I don't like getting up that early, therefore I grumble a lot in the car. Oh sure, I realized that an hour of prayer wouldn't hurt, and besides, I get to reflect and meditate and talk to God. But the thing is, right after Dawn Watch, my parents have meetings, so I have to go to the office with them and wait until 9am, then one of them usually brings me home. My siblings both have work, so my parents don't bring them along-- just me.

I get bored a lot (I'm actually in the office, blogging, as we speak) and really restless. I get even more crabby, beecause if I didn't have to wait until 9am, I can go back to sleep. That's how much I value my sleep. Sometimes Joaquin goes here to keep me company, and we go to Starbucks right across the street to have breakfast or milk (I'm not a coffee drinker) and things like that. But it happens occasionally because Joaquin does not go very often.

I complained to my mom about this, and she seemed slightly annoyed. I guess it's because I sounded incredibly selfish and 'whiney', but I couldn't help it. I brought along my SAT book so I have something to do while waiting, but my brain's not really in a 'studying-mode', and I've been doing some of the problems half-heartedly, so I decided to blog first. I need to vent out some of my feelings to stay on track.

Later, Joaquin and I might go to Eastwood to play billiards and eat. It's 7:45 now. An hour and a few minutes to go. I'll probably manage. I better go work on my SAT and do something productive while waiting.

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Labels.

I'm sitting here right now, sitting at this table, and thinking to myself: "So, why are there labels?" There are so many labels, I could name a few. I'd be here all day, so let me just name some. The preps are the highest, they're like a football team, just gossiping around, planning their next scheme.

The jocks.. They get the preps, supposedly cause they're the best. It's like an exam to me,you have to pass the test. The skaters tell themselves, that's what they do most of the time: skate. They're nothing to the preps.

Actually, they're wrong, they're the bait.

Then there're people who don't care, that's where you will find me.

So I am begging you please, just let me be! I didn't come here to be a label. No, I don't skateboard or have the best tan, but again I'm begging you, don't label me like a can! I don't know why I'm begging you, it's no one's decision but mine, so I'm asking you to step aside, and just wait in line!

I don't care what people think, I think my friends are cool. They may not be popular or skate, but they help me survive school. So, I'm just sitting here thinking of how others must pay, for the mean rude things, that some people say.


-- Poem I submitted for English last year. Haha, I just felt like sharing it with everyone.

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Last Week I threw out Worrying, it was getting old and in the way. It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things my way.

I threw out those Inhibitions; they were just crowding me out. Made room for my New Growth, got rid of my old dreams and doubts. I threw out a book on MY PAST (didn't have time to read it anyway). Replaced it with New Goals, started reading it today.

I threw out childhood toys (remember how I treasured them so?) Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago. Bought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST. Threw out I might, I think and I ought. WOW, You should've seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND, haven't seen him in a while. I believe his name is GOD, Yes, I really like His style. He helped me to do some cleaning and added some thing's Himself. Like PRAYER, HOPE and FAITH, yes I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door. I FOUND IT - it's called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore. Yes, I've got my house looking nice. Looks good around the place. For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any place.

Its good to do a little house cleaning, get rid of the old things on the shelf. It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.

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'Life' just has four letters, but it's actually something BIGGER than those letters. Each day, you're faced with decisions, and every action has a response. The response may be acceptable, or it may be a consequence.

I've been feeling dismal lately, perturbed about college. I'm rather discouraged, because the entrance exams seem overwhelming. Oh sure, I've been studying A LOT, and I've been working hard (endless drills and practice) but somehow, I'm just not so sure anymore. I feel empty, and I can't bear to break my parents' heart. It would hurt them a lot if I don't pass the UPCAT or ACET.

I feel troubled, and a random thought occurred to me. What if I'm not making the most out of my life? I mean, getting into a good University is one thing, but what about the other factors; like being able to minister to others, or being able to encourage others, using my talents, etc.? Someday, would I ever stand at the end of the road, wondering if all the things I did were excellent enough? When I face Jesus, would I be able to tell him that I did everything I could, that I didn't waste any opportunity?

Anyway, I listened to a song by Matthew West. It's entitled: "The Motions", and it really spoke to me. The lyrics are below.




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Today was the last day of LCM. I have approximately a week of rest, then LSC begins on the week after. We had a simulation exam in Math, Filipino, English, and Science. I scored very low in Filipino. Boo.

Anyway, I was disappointed because my parents didn't want to drive me anywhere. I decided to be patient, and to respect their decision. Then Joaquin texted and asked if I wanted to play soccer with him. I felt bad because I couldn't go, and he said that it wasn't the first time I blew him off.

So I appealed to my mom, and she finally decided to drive me-- but only to Ateneo. It was better than nothing, even if I knew that I was bound to miss a lot because I couldn't go to Eastwood. So I rushed home and fixed my things. Joaquin was already there, waiting. And it was traffic along the fly-over. I made it at around 5pm, and saw many familiar faces. SEP had just ended, and I miss it so much.

Moments later, Joaquin and I started to play soccer on the field beside Moro. It was fun, because the grass was wet, and I felt my kleats squishing in the mud. It was a fun day, and I'm beat. I enjoyed my long cold shower, and we had dinner in Azul. Their food was excellent.

Even though I couldn't go to Eastwood, I still enjoyed this day, because I was able to play soccer with my best friend. I thank my mom for sacrificing her time, and driving me all the way to Ateneo despite the heavy traffic. I'm really blessed to have a mom like her. I thank my dad too, because he was the one who offered to pick me up, even if his dinner would get delayed. Best parents ever.

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After dinner, I was really psyched because tomorrow's the last day of my first review classes, and I get to spend Friday either in: a) Eastwood with SEP friends or b) In Ateneo and play basketball with boys from section D.

I already asked permission from my Dad. The thing about my dad is that you have to ask his permission in advance, and it'll take days before he states his decision. I sometimes get hurt because he tends to drive the conversation away by either ignoring what I just said, or by starting another conversation totally irrelevant and unrelated. Often times, my mom has to prompt him and tell him to listen to me, or to answer me at least.

Anyway, I felt relieved when my parents allowed me to go out. I was in the middle of making my decision (whether to go to Eastwood or Ateneo) and I was watching a few shows on the telly at the same time with my mom beside me, and my dad asleep on the couch. Then my mom goes: "Oh dear, I remember the newscaster announcing that they will be closing roads tomorrow because actors and actresses are going to perform for Earth day". I listened, slightly puzzled, wondering what this had to do with me. Then she continues: "I probably can't drive you to Eastwood or Ateneo. I'm going to have a hard time, I'm sorry."

I felt VERY disappointed. Instinctively, I started to blame people, and let wrong thoughts engulf me. I felt really bad. I went on thinking: "Why do we have to live so far from Ateneo or Eastwood?" or "Why can't my mom drive me? It's only 20 minutes away" etc. All these negative thoughts were in my mind.

Then I realized that maybe it's for the best. God didn't give us parents for no reason, but for the sake of guidance and discipline. To come to think of it, my parents often say yes, and they seldom say no. I felt really ashamed when all those nasty thinkings dawned upon me. I love my parents to pieces, and what matters most is having the proper attitude and the right mindset.

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My name is Esther Grace Batungbacal. Born in a Christian family with my dad as one of the church pastors, I’ve been exposed to Sunday school and church services. I knew Jesus all my life and have been taught about God by my parents since I was small.

Even though I studied in a Catholic private school, I was a mundane Pastor’s kid, who did both right and wrong, apologized when necessary; memorized verses, and sang praises and hymns. I was always scared to attempt to disobey the Lord. I remained that way until I reached my teenage years.

When I reached my teenage years, I was exposed to the world and since my Faith in God wasn’t very stable, I began to insinuate, eventually abating into sin. I began to rebel towards my parents, be the cause of the constant altercations in school, and show impertinence to the faculty. Swearing, lying, and cursing became a habit. When it came to school grades and other achievements, I had no problem since I was very competitive. I contended with my schoolmates from grades to sports. I did it for my own glory and not for the eminence of God.

At first, I felt guilty because I wasn’t living my life as a full-time Christian but I got used to mocking God so much that I eventually pushed the guilt away. I became very insecure and yearned for something called perfect love. In order to gain that feeling, I went in and out of different relationships, basking in the taste of temporary happiness and enjoying the envious murmurs of my schoolmates. I was an icon of self-indulgence.

I grew insecure towards my older sister. I was bitter towards her and felt extremely appalling and repugnant whenever I stood next to her.

I shunned Jesus from my life and continued controlling my own life, but whenever I stepped into the church grounds, I showed everyone that I was an obedient and committed follower of Christ. I was a hypocrite, and I was a proud and arrogant person. I was living a double life, a mere facade.

Time went on and one of the guys I was currently dating decided to end things. I felt rejected, hurt, and of course devastated. I felt like a deflated balloon and I felt very hopeless. I tried doing other things to make the pain stop, and tried to forget things that needed to be forgotten.

I continued to disrespect the authority of my parents, resulting to low grades and a poor conduct. I came to the point wherein I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I enjoyed slashing my wrists watching the blood drip then afterwards crying myself to sleep. So much for perfect love.

I was hurting. I did not know myself at all. I did not have many friends in church since I had stopped attending the youth group regularly. I did not know who to run to. I thought I was one of God’s mistakes.

Then all of a sudden, I felt tired. I felt tired of proving, I felt tired of controlling my own life and trying daring things. I was exasperated, worn, and distressed. Then I did what I haven’t done for so long: I read my bible. Its pages remained unturned and the cover was dusty.
Slowly, I began leafing through the pages, hoping to find an answer. I stumbled upon the passage of Psalm 139: 15-16: “You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.”
For the first time in my life, I felt relieved. God had spoken to me through the bible and I continued to read more and more. I quit worrying, for God has said in Jeremiah 29: 11: “My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.”

I exposed myself to the Christian crowd and I’m now part of a wonderful dgroup who has helped me grow. As hard as it is, I learned to let go of all the bitterness I held unto, as well as my passive-aggressive and defiant attitude. God has always been there for me and His love is everlasting. I renewed my relationship with God and got baptized on May 29, 2007.

I still struggle and my life isn’t perfect, but I remind myself each day that I should be willing to please God, for it says in Hebrews 11: 6: “Without Faith, It is impossible to please God” and in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, it says: “Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.” I gave up all my wrong habits. I no longer use my voice for lying or swearing, but for singing in the Music Ministry and all for the Glory of the Lord.

I am doing my best and by God’s grace, He’s given me the courage to share the gospel to my school friends and even invite them to our youth group. I am not afraid to make disciples of all nations because Philippians 4:13 says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Renewing myself and my commitment is all by God’s grace and I am prepared to grow in the Lord with earnestness.

Ever since I firmly let God take control of my life, I’ve begun to experience such amazing love that no one else can give me. His love for me is so wonderful that I yearn for more and more of that love of His. God gave me perfect love, and He’s the only One Who can.

I live up to the passage of Romans 8: 38: “And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.” I have found my comfort in God and I will forever cling unto Him. Nothing is impossible with the God who made the Heavens and the Earth, bigger than anyone could ever imagine.
For as long as I shall live I will testify to God, for it is no longer I but Christ and I am who I am, only by the Grace of God.

I am Esther Batungbacal, a Jesus Zone. To God be all the glory and honor forever and ever.

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I was bored and feeling rather restless, so I decided to download a few songs from Les Miserables (i'm a total sucker for musicals and broadway) and while waiting, I decided to surf the net.

I finished review class, and we had an agonizing discussion on Physics, so I decided to bum around for awhile. I deserve it, because it's my first time to actually study Physics, which was formidable. So anyway, I came upon YouTube and I got really interested with the videos on Britain's Got Talent.

Surfing randomly, I clicked on a video about a woman named Susan Boyle, who was one of the contestants. I had to listen hard, because she spoke rather fast, and her British accent was hard to comprehend. Turns out, she's 47 who's unemployed because she has been nursing her sick mother ever since. Her physical appearance wasn't very interesting, and the audience began to judge her, especially when she mentioned that she was aspiring to become a professional singer, like Elaine Paige from Les Miserables. People began to sneer at her, and give her doubtful looks, because she was just an ordinary plump woman with curly hair, and who was unemployed. Little did Susan know, that Fate was about to be placed on her hands.

Finally, the first notes of the song began, and the crowd grew quiet; probably wondering what Susan Boyle was going to sing. She sang 'I Dreamed A Dream' from Les Misarbles, and her voice was MAGNIFICENT! The audience immediately started clapping and cheering, taking in every note Susan was singing. When the song ended, the crowd was hushed, then they started cheering and whistling.

The judges gave her three big yeses, INCLUDING Simon, who complimented her to the extent. It's rather unlikely for Simon to give compliments, but Susan certainly surprised the audience. Amanda commented that at first, the crowd was boo-ing and laughing at her, but when she stopped singing, no one was laughing. She admitted that it was like a wake-up call, because they were being cynical and unfair. She also mentioned that it was a GREAT PRIVILEGE to have Susan sing for them.

Susan is now a successful professional singer, and well-respected by millions. Despite her physical appearance, she's able to capture many hearts with her flawless singing, and kind heart. This a lesson to be learned. We shouldn't judge a book by its cover. It's an eye-opener, because nowadays, people can be really evil with their judgemental hearts. I was really proud that Susan showed the mocking audience, and I reckon that the mocking would happen again.

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I don't understand why I'm afraid of other people. I have the tendency to care about what others think, hence, insecurities. It made me realize that we are all the same. Even though we're very different, on a very general, basic level -- we're all the same.

We are having the same experience; we all hurt, we are all confused, we are all human beings trying to figure things out. It doesn't really matter where we live, what we look like, what language we speak or what side of the tracks we live on -- we have been sidetracked by television, movies, the rumor mill, newspapers, by people we know, and worst of all ourselves. During this time, our lives have been crying out to us -- begging to be lived.

We need to make ourselves realize that everyone we deal with suffers the same disappointments, heartbreaks, insecurities, embarassments and sadness that we do. Nobody's perfect and mistakes will happen every day, it's more or less just a matter of time until you are the person doing the stupid thing that makes no sense.

So maybe with this understanding, we ourselves, can be more understanding and patient when dealing with others. Also consider what effect things may have on your goals and dreams, I have found that many times there is no direct effect on anything that's truly important -- and there's really no good reason to get as upset as I used to.

Strangely enough, this one understanding all in itself has reduced so much stress in my life. Constantly dwelling on how and where other people are wrong is rarely of any value at all. Constantly dwelling on every way that things won't work is also of very little value, but constantly dwelling on the things you want and the ways you can get them is one of the most important things you can do.

The differences in human beings, are in truth, how we are most beneficial to each other.If everyone was the same size, shape, color, religion and came from the same place where everyone spoke the same language and wanted to same thing -- we would never learn. Also, we would be much less helpful to one another.

Think about it on a very simple, real level. If you need help moving, you're going to want some of your more hard-working and strong friends to help, right? If you need help reaching something high, you'll want your tall friends help. There are many experiences in life and we can't know them all by ourselves.

We learn from each other all the time without even trying, imagine how far we'd get if we actually respected and valued the different people for their experiences that we so greatly benefit from. We all want to the same things -- reasonably good health, financial security, fun, happiness, peace of mind, a sense of meaning, and less pain.

If we can't agree on anything else, can we at least acknowledge and agree that every living person -- regardless of color, gender, preferences, etc. all have heads. As stupid as it sounds, it's accurate -- you and I and everyone else have heads. Inside those heads are minds that all work the same way.

Let me repeat that and think about it -- every person on this planet has a head, with a mind, that works the same way yours does. We all want better things, we all want to do a little better ourselves and it doesn't always work out that way, because we're not focusing on that anymore. We're paying too much attention to the little trivial things -- 'that person looks or sounds or smells different than I do', 'other people are always disappointing me', 'I don't know what I can do', 'look at everything that person has', 'I wouldn't do it like that', etc.

Nothing outside yourself is nearly as important as you think it is. What matters most is that you know what you want and you're doing everything you can, to make these things happen. If we really want the things we say we do, then you'll realize, accept and start living by the above statement. 'What do I want?' 'How can I get it?' 'I want this so bad I can see it, I can feel it!', and many more positive statements.

These thoughts and statements (and ones like them) are the sign to show you that you're going the right way. Think about it; at all the worst times in your life, what were you really thinking and saying?

Was it more like: 'this sucks -- I'm never going to be able to do this', 'I can't stand this', 'look at that idiot', 'I can't believe how stupid I am', 'this is never going to work', 'I just don't have the time', 'I'm always so miserable', 'I don't know', and things like that? We do know! We just need to stop being lazy and figure it out. Find a way! What would you need to do? What do you need to learn? What new things will you have to become comfortable with? (and that's an important one). Figure out what you want.

That is the essential base for having a better life. Yes there are plenty of details, yes there are some other subtle steps, there are thousands of ways to put things so that even more people can understand -- but this is one group of fundamentals, that if practiced, will get you much closer to that ideal vision you create of things.

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It finally rained today! Hooray for April showers! The weather was humid though, but I believe rain is very refreshing, hence replenishing the dry areas. It wasn't very hot this afternoon, so it was perfect day. I love cloudy days, because I really detest the Sun.

Well anyway. After my class, I immediately nipped home to look for my gym bag. I stuffed my towel, extra clothes, shampoo, and soccer ball in it. Then I took a long shower. I arrived in Ateneo at around 4:15. It was still early, and I saw Vico standing in front of the cafeteria. We exchanged our hellos then decided to go to the covered courts to shoot some hoops. On the way there, we met a few of the people who work for SEP. Then finally, it was time to play.

Okay, I have to admit that I was absolutely CLUELESS. I didn't know how to dribble properly. I didn't know how to shoot either. I felt silly, because I like soccer better. Vico taught me how to shoot (I was hopeless) but then I felt extremely awkward because all his friends were watching. So I pleaded and made an appeal to play soccer instead. The other guys wanted to play basketball so Vico went with me to play. He was an excellent goalie. He taught me a bit of foot work, and he was surprisingly good, considering he was a basketball player.

So anyway, we got tired of soccer. Kimmy called me. Turns out, she was already there, waiting at the cafeteria. So we went there, along with Chok, Jules, and David. They were really funny and entertaining. Then I finally saw Kimmy and I did a brief introduction. Chok, Jules, and David left after that. Vico stayed to jog with us. Yay.

So off we went. We jogged around Moro, and around the parking lot. We were sweating like crazy! Finally, we decided to finish. We stretched and did sit-ups. On the way back, we passed by a pond-- stocked with frogs. EW! Kimmy and I screamed, while Vico looked amused and went closer to the frogs. I recalled last year when we had dissection. I nearly passed out. Thereafter, we went to Moro and took a nice cold shower. Then we had dinner in Azul. The food was great, and so was the bonding. I had a blast. Given the chance to do it all over, I would. Haha.

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Today's Sunday, 19th of April. It's hot. And dull. And dreary. Oh and it's also Camille's birthday.

I've known Camille for about 4 years now. She was my classmate back in the 7th grade, and my supposed field trip partner but I didn't get to go to our class field trip. Back then, we weren't really in good terms. We weren't exactly friends since we didn't belong in the same clique. Then came Junior year. We were classmates. At first, I never really thought of talking to her, but fate had its own opinion. Camille and I began talking because we knew same people from Ateneo. It was a very helpful conversation starter.

To make the long story short, we became best friends. It amazes me that we only fought like, thrice? And it didn't even last that long. We get along and we're always in good terms. I then am very glad to have a best friend like Camille. Aside from Camille, I have another best friend, Chelene. The three of us hang out in school together, and going out is practically a ritual. Apparently, we all went throught the 'sand-papering' stage. It came to the point wherein we gave each other the silent treatment, joining various cliques.

It was sad, because during the last day of classes, we still weren't in good terms. Camille and I hung out together, and Chelene went with other people. It was rather awkard and confusing. I felt sad because we still weren't in good terms. But earlier, I was able to talk to them on the phone for a long time (thank God for 3-way) and we were able to settle our misunderstandings. It was all because of lack of communication.

When the call ended, the weight had been lifted. We were back to our normal selves again, and I believe that nothing can ever tear us apart. It just takes time for the wounds to heal, but the joyful memories we shared will always overpower the damages we've caused. We are best friends and forever we'll be; end of story.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY CAMILLE!

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Went to Nicole's SEXXAYY 16th last night in Dolce. The party started at 8:30pm, and I arrived there at around 9pm, since it was incredibly traffic. OC was waiting for me outside since we had to write on the package of Nicole's gift. We didn't want to go in yet, because we were indisposed. Thankfully, Lav and Chris got there a few seconds later so we went in all together.

I felt super conscious when we entered, because I was in a dress. Fortunately, the place was dark so it didn't matter. Everyone was dressed up, and looked sublime (even the guys) and Nicole looked really beautiful. We gave her our present, and went off to mingle. Most of the people were guys. We took so much pictures.

Drinks were served. All my friends were drinking, except me. I don't really like beer, or cigarettes. I drank water the whole time. Haha. Then everyone raced to the front and started dancing. I sat on the stool because I really didn't want to dance. I felt uncomfortable in my dress and high heels. A few moments later, Lav, Chris, OC, and Nicole surrounded me and pulled me to dance. I refused but they dragged me to the dance floor. I didn't want to dance, but they all ganged up on me and put me in the center of their circle. Anjo, Noelle, and Dre kept blocking me (those big guys) so I couldn't get out.

I eventually managed to escape, but only for awhile since Lav noticed I was gone. They went after me in a single file. It was so funny. I then managed to lead a dance train. Finally, I gave up and removed my strappy sandals. I instantly felt so much better, and danced my heart out. I tried not to step on people's feet. I had a blast! Everyone was happy that I danced, so they let me off the hook. I scrambled back to the stool and put my shoes back on. Then, I enjoyed two tall glasses of water with lots of ice. Everyone was tipsy already.

As I sat on the stool and surveyed the dance floor, I apprehended that most of the guests were my classmates from SEP. It made me realize how much I missed SEP. I was really glad that I went to Nicole's party, because I got to reunite with some of my classmates. I went home at around 1am, and I thanked Nicole for such a wonderful party.

My hair still smells scorched from last night, since the place was really smoky. But it doesn't matter, since I had a blast. I hope I get to see everyone again.

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Four days of reviewing have gone by. I have to admit, I feel delphic and inferior. You see, I have this classmate who's incredibly INTELLIGENT. He goes to Philippine Science HS, and he has this tendency to just stare at the equation, then come up with the CORRECT answer. He rarely makes mistakes. I, on the other hand, am really lost.

We took up Algebra II today, and it was confounding. I didn't know how to answer, and even though we had a discussion before the test, I kept on spacing out. It seemed so easy during the lecture, but once the test began, I was in a different world. See, all the questions were incorporated, or multi-step problems.

I really detest Algebra II, with all the Xs and Ys and Ks and Parabolas etc. I'd rather do Trigonometry. Unfortunately, Mr. Smartypants was my seatmate, and I could see him galloping through the problems from my peripheral view. Ugh, some people were born lucky.

Anyways, I should put everything school-related aside first. Tonight's Nicole's birthday party at Dolce, and I'm quite looking forward to it (even if I have to wear a dress.) I get to see Mark, Max, Nicole, Ja, Luis, and other people who I haven't seen in ages! Most of them were my SEP classmates in Geometry. To come to think of it, I really do miss SEP. I wish I enrolled, but I already paid for two review centers so.. yeah.

Despite my failures today, I am very much motivated by this quote. I resolve to try harder, and to not let the skills of other people intimidate me.



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Today, I went to class, and we had a mind-boggling review on Geometry and Filipino.
Ugh Filipino. I admit I'm totally suckish when it comes to deep and inexplicable words. I scored low, obviously. I must practice my Filipino, because they say that some of the questions in the UPCAT are Tagalog. Wish me luck! HAHA!

Anyway, I went to the mall with OC afterwards. I missed her so much! We went shopping for dresses (for Nicole's party tomorrow) and of course, we bought a really cool gift for Nicole. Now, I'm not a 'dress' person, i'm more of a definite 'jeans' person. So wearing a dress tomorrow's a big risk for me, but it'd be totally worth it, 'cause it's a birthday party anyway.

I had so much fun. We went from one store to another and OC kept leading the way since I didn't know where to go (I kept on stepping on OC's slippers. I'm such a klutz) and I didn't know which store sold decent dresses (I'm very conservative.)

After accomplishing our mission, we stopped to eat. OC bought Ice Cream, and I had a burger with large fries and popcorn. Yum! Then we talked about school, college, etc. Normal girl talk. I realized how much we had in common, and how mean other girls can be (OC and I went through a lot) in terms of backstabbing and backbiting. Girl world's convoluted.

Eventually, I had to leave. When I got home, I called Carlo and asked if he wanted to go to summer camp with me in May. He agreed. Yay! I managed to convince him and he got permission. I also managed to make Camille go. I cannot wait. Camp's usually the main highlight of my summer.

Well, I hope I can invite more people to come. It's really worth it, and extremely fun. It's nice to take a break from all that studying. Haha. Tomorrow, we're going to discuss more Geometry, and Filipino. Ack wish me luck. Haha. I also realized that it's extremely hot, and I'm craving for Ice Cream.

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I felt the need to blog. Haha.
After having a delicious dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, I was bored so I decided to watch 'Step Up' (thank God for YouTube.)
I felt absolutely inspired when I watched the movie. All the moves were slick and awesome, and it was done with skill.

Boy, I wish I could dance like that. I'm not a very keen dancer, and I'm kinda 'klutzy'. I know a bit of modern jazz, and a few ballroom dances (thanks to our P.E. class) but that's about it. I sure would love to learn hiphop and breakdancing.

Anyway, after watching, I IM'ed Kimmy. We decided to go jogging on Monday in Ateneo, late afternoon. It was so funny, 'cause we both didn't know what to wear. We even scouted for a girl's shower room, so we could clean up after jogging. Turns out, there is a girl's shower room somewhere in Moro. Yay! Haha. Kimmy and I talked about jogging some more, and she suggested to jog around the world. Haha. I told her to do it by herself, and that I'd rather sit and wait. And I told her to bring back a hot foreigner from her extremely long jog. Haha. We were so 'soupy'.

Then my parents came home from work, and they brought home chocolates imported from UK. Wow, what a special treat. I must gain weight. I've started to eat eggs again, and drink milk too. All the carbs and meat, a definite must.

So far, my summer's booked, and I'm pretty low on cash. But next summer, no more review classes. Yay! I sure hope I pass the entrance exams plus a high score in the SAT. Then maybe I can enroll in a dance class or something. Anyway, it's past my curfew (yes, I still have a curfew) and I have to go. I just felt the need to blog. Hahaha.

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I woke up early today and went to class. We had a recap of basic Algebra and a coupla topics in English. It went rather smoothly, so much better than the first day.

I had plans after the review. I was supposed to go to Ateneo and shoot hoops with Vico (even though I stink at basketball,) then order a hot fudge sundae in Azul after. I was looking forward to it, since it's incredibly hot today, cruel Sun.

Apparently, I received a text from my mom indicating that she was busy with my dad at work so no one could take me. I felt very disappointed, since I am a very compulsive person, especially when it comes to daily schedules. I apologized to Vico and rescheduled to play on Monday next week.

To make my disappointment go away, I took an ice cold shower that instantly cooled me off and overpowered the hot weather. It felt good and refreshing, but I must've stayed under the nozzle too long, and I'm pretty much water-logged now, all wrinkly and pruny. Hahaha.

I can't wait for tomorrow, 'cause I get to see Ocelle a.k.a OC, who just got back from HK. We're going to the mall to look for a prezzy for Nicole. It's going to be tough because I'm nearly broke, but hopefully I can manage.

I hope I can go jogging with Joaquin soon. I promised to go jogging with him last week, but my schedule got really cramped, no sh*t. I really need to gain weight, because I find myself too skinny. I could use a few extra pounds. I have to admit, blogging feels good. I get to release my emotions and share my inner thoughts.

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(First picture- Oxford, Second picture- Harvard)

Now, I feel unsure, because I know I'm pretty smart, but I need to work harder. I am determined to excel and to strive, to pass the exams of the univerty of my preference. I pray that God gives me the wisdom, intelligence, and the right perseverance.

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When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness.

It erupts like an earthquake and then it subsides.

And when it subsides, you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots

Have become so entwined together,

That it is inconceivable that you should ever part,

Because that is love.

Love is not breathlessness; it is not excitement,

For that is just being in love;

Love itself is what is left over

When being in love has burned away.

It`s okay to need each other.
That's what makes us strong.
That`s what makes us human.

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's
called falling in love, because you don't force
yourself to fall, you just fall.

I'm going to stop looking back and start moving on.
Learn how to face my fears.
I want to leave something here.
Go out on a ledge, without any net.
Cause people do it every day;
Promise themselves they're going to change.
I've been there, but I'm changing from the inside out.

Sometimes we don’t know what mistakes we’ve done,

Or figure out the reason why at some point in life, we just break down.

But every mistake happens for a reason,

To teach you a lesson you’ve otherwise never learned.

And hopefully, we never make that mistake again.

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