Major hell week. I feel the stress, the pressure, and the load.

Honestly, I don't understand why teachers decide to make the students accomplish tons of "last-minute" requirements during the last few days of school. They always always do that during the final quarter, and it's exhausting.

So far, I'm done with most of my homework and my English major essay. I'm almost finished with my Math summative, and I've started reviewing for Math. Our 4th quarter exams are really rigorous because they include the topics from the previous quarters so not only do you have to study for the 4th quarter topics, but you also have to study the things discussed during the first three quarters. This is killing me.

I really do hope I make the cut. My last goal for my senior year is to finish the quarter with honors. Lord, please help me.

I can hardly wait for summer! I have so much activities, and I already made a list of the things I want to do in my planner. I plan to continue my figure skating lessons and eventually compete in 2-3 months, then I also want to pursue Soccer so I'm going back to training. Then I have voice lessons and street dancing lessons. I also plan to enroll in this Speech & Debate Workshop my mom recommended.

I'm going to be sooo busy, but at the same time it's going to be fun. I'm so excited. I'm also excited for college! I'm still praying for my school, because I don't know which university to enroll in. I'm trapped, because I love all the courses I chose, especially the one I picked in CSB: Major in Consular and Diplomatic Studies. Awesome, right?

For now, I have to focus on our finals. Laborious week. Ugh.

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Today was a fairytale spectacular day!

I really enjoyed school and we had a debate in CL. Okay, maybe the topic was really lame (about girls being permitted to enter priesthood) and yes, we were on the losing side because we were assigned to favor the topic.

Of course, the opposition had the advantage, but I believed in miracles, and I believed that all was not lost. So the debate began.

To make the long story short, I was the last person standing, and I was the whip! I brought down the opposition, and I felt sooo proud! Proud in a happy way, and not in an arrogant way. It was really difficult since they had the upperhand, but I refused to give up and I tried to remember all the rights of a human being and how those rights can be applicable to the subject we were defending.

It just felt really good because I was able to contradict the opposition with excellence, so yeah. Case closed. Anyway, it's hell week for us. Since we're seniors, we take our finals earlier than the other levels since the next month will be dedicated to graduation practices. So we have a bajillion requirements due this week, plus exams are next week.

I'm trying to do my best in everything, and I'm trying to give my all since I really really want to end my last quarter with honors, so I'm hoping to get a B+ in all my subjects, even in French. I will do my best to pull up my grades and to graduate with remarkable results.

So help me God.

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I woke up at 7:15 this morning and I was panicking because I was really really late for school. I guess I overslept and I forgot to set my alarm and everything.

So I got ready in complete turbo mode, running around, trying to put on my uniform and eat breakfast at the same time. Believe it or not, I was ready 15 minutes later. Then I realized it didn't matter, because I was already late as it is.

I got in the car and I was prepared to receive a tardy slip from the beadle. I kept praying for a miracle, because for one thing, I wasn't looking forward to go to school.

First of all, today is a Monday, so we have P.E. and French. P.E.'s not so bad, except for the fact that we have to learn all sorts of foreign dances, like the Irish dance which makes you jump and gallop at the same time. In French, however, we have to learn certain conjugations that are quite tricky, and frankly, nobody understands the lesson. So yeah, I really hate Mondays.

So anyway, school is just 5-10 minutes away. When we got to the entrance, the main gate was closed and there was a guard sitting outside.

Guard: Can I help you?
Me: Uh.. Yeah, could you please tell me why the gate is closed?
Guard: Why are you even here? No classes today.
Me: *Silence*
Guard: Um, hello?
Me: Are you serious?
Guard: *Looks stunned*
Me: Okay, I get it. Thank you!

Now that's what I call an EPIC FAIL. How embarrassing! Turns out, we had the day off since we had our school fair last weekend. That's what I got for not paying attention in school. My dad couldn't stop laughing at me, and I felt sooo silly!

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I had an awesome weekend, and I have sooo much to tell!

Yesterday was the 13th of February. I woke up early in the morning for my figure skating lessons. I got a new pair of white skates, and though they're really stiff and I still need to break them in, I'm really happy with them. I can't wait to master all the moves and eventually compete.

When I got to MOA, Brianna and Anton were there. So we all went skating and it was so much fun! We said our goodbyes after skating and I went home to get ready for Nigel's birthday celebration. When I got to Nigel's house, we all went swimming for awhile then proceeded to have dinner in a Korean restaurant along Libis.

Nigel reserved a private room for us and we were so noisy! Everyone in the Brotherhood came, and I had a great time. We had plenty of food, mixed jokes, and shared laughter. I really love each and every single one of my friends, because they complete my life. :)

We walked to Eastwood after and we just stayed there until it was time for everyone to go home.

Another reason why my weekend is so close to perfect is because, well, today is Valentine's Day. I never really considered this day as a holiday. I usually found it as an excuse for people to spend money on roses, chocolates, and whatnot. But anyway, someone (I won't mention who) surprised me with a single red rose wrapped beautifully. I really really appreciate it, and thank you so so much! If you're reading this (you know who you are), I want to let you know that I kept the rose in a vase with water so it wouldn't wilt. I hope it lasts forever.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
XOXO

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AFTER GRAD BALL , I WANT TO CUT MY HA I R SUPER SHORT. WHADDYA TH I NK? :)

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I didn't go to school today because I was really exhausted. I broke down again this afternoon realizing that the week's drama has finally caught up with me. Well, I thought I was over it, apparently not.

I wish want to could take a break from this world. I'm not really in an optimistic mood. I've been so cranky and depressed. The reason why I'm in an awful mood is because I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I am just so screwed. Everything in my life is on hold, but the world is going on without me. I need to process my thoughts, because things have been going really ugly.

Lord, can you hear me? I need a miracle. :(



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"Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you." --Jim Rohn

What is/are the main reason/s I don't ask God for His blessings?

Pride.

There we go. I have to shamefully admit that I am proud most of the time. I am very patriotic and defensive, and I take my rights seriously, hence, I would like my rights to be respected as much as possible.

Sometimes, I think too highly of myself. I have this sense of preponderance.

To be honest, I live for justice. I started reading the Philippine Constitution at a young age, and I actually had dreams of becoming a lawyer to alleviate inequity. I've always wanted to join our debate team, but I'm already into figure skating and soccer, so I really don't have much time.

I don't ask God to shower my life with blessings because I am too arrogant to do so. I sometimes feel terrible, because I believe that certain things are rightfully mine, when they were never mine to begin with.

Having a sense of pride hinders me from talking to God. Everytime I pray, my perfectionist attitude takes over and I believe that I shouldn't make any mistakes while praying, and that every word and sentence I say must be outstanding and grammatically correct. But you see, it doesn't work that way.

God wants a humble heart. He wants us to depend on Him, because all we really have is Him. We are people, and let's face it: human nature. We are not perfect, but He is. And in order to obtain His blessings, we must come before Him on our knees (figuratively) and ask with humility. I need to work on this area, and hopefully I will learn to let go of my proud and imperious mindset.

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Dear God, I need to talk to you...

Lord, please help me see what a lavish feast of Your blessing would really look like in my life, and how it would change me for Your glory.

Yesterday, I looked at how much You wanted to bless me. Today, please help me realize how much is rightfully mine, if I will claim it. I haven't had an awesome 2010, and I see myself standing on the edge at the end of my rope.

They said that if you go too far in one direction, you'll find yourself on the other side. Maybe I got too much of the great things and not much of the bad. I wish I could be more open-handed and optimistic. I need to make a commitment: to respond in Faith.

I really should believe that my loving maker wants what's best for me, and sometimes I just don't see it or feel it. But I know that in those times when I can't seem to find God, I rest in the assurance that He knows how to find me.

I should develop my personal relationship with Him, rather than just seeing Him as the distant supreme-being. He is far more than that and all my life, He has been waiting for me to surrender everything to Him.

Unfortunately, I've been withholding myself, to the point where He removed everything I clung unto, just to get my attention. Poor Lord, sometimes I tend to be so ignorant and insensitive. How horrid of me.

Lord, I am hear, Estoy Aqui. I'm ready to develop my relationship with you, no strings attached.

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What is my portrait of God? Which of God's personality attributes do my actions prove are the most important to me? Which are the least important?

As of today, I feel absolutely lost and insecure. Life has turned its tables on me, and God has removed and taken everything from me. But to come to think of it, they weren't mine to begin with. How silly of me.

Everything I have are simply privileges, and I'm really ashamed of this proud attitude of mine. Maybe I don't know my maker completely. I think of him as a genie. I don't really see him as my Savior, Father, and King. I don't feel or see his grace, mercy, faithfulness, and compassion. I see him as a kill-joy, someone jealous, and this huge enigma.

But perhaps it is because I don't know him at all, and I don't understand. It's about time I put my complete faith and trust in him, even though everything seems futile. I am absolutely sorry, because of my negative spirit that has hindered me from growing and getting to know my Father.

This is going to be hard on my part because I recommitted myself and I'm sure that Satan will do whatever it takes to bring me down and stray me away from the right path I've chosen to take.

Lord, please help me. I need your strength, guidance, and assurance. I have surrendered and I am giving my life back to you. Mold me, use me, walk beside me. Abba Father have your will. I love you, Lord. Please help me.

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It's been so long since I last published an entry. Life has been really hectic for me. Every single day, I'm always on my feet-- always on the go.

I experienced a lot. I recently turned 18, got some birthday cash that would inevitably end up in my savings account, and got some entrance test results. Right now, I am in a difficult situation that even I cannot seem to fathom.

Life turned its tables on me, and I am trapped psychologically, emotionally, and mentally. I don't know how to go about this problem of mine. Everything's turning out rather unexpectedly, and I am sad to say that for the next few months, there'll most probably be no rejoicing on my part.

I wish that people would understand. I am devastated, and sometimes human beings can be so cruel and judgemental. Maybe I should just continue with my USA plan. I don't belong in the Philippines anyway-- I never belonged to begin with. I can't seem to penetrate with most people.

This is one of those moments wherein I am facing crossroads, wondering what I should do. Oh, whattodo whattodo whattodo..

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