Last night was absolutely fantastic. Joaquin, Jamie, and I watched the first opening of Wicked the Musical. We were supporting Carlo Paguio, whose role was Fiyero.

The show was supposed to start at 8pm sharp at the Greenbelt theater. We got there at 7pm, and the line was already long. Joaquin decided to line up while we bought food. He ordered a burger, fries, and a huge drink so I ran up the escalator to deliver his take-out meal. Jamie and I ordered chicken and rice so we needed a table.

We stayed in the restaurant. We had to eat fast, and poor Joaquin barely managed to balance his food and drink. He miraculously finished his meal-- standing up. I salute him. Haha. When we finally finished eating, we ran up the escalator. Joaquin was slightly grumpy.

We were standing in line for the longest time. Finally, the doors opened and everyone ran in to find the best seats. We were able to find decent seats-- not too near and not too far. We settled down and waited for the curtain to rise.

THE PLAY WAS MARVELOUS! The girl playing Glinda had a hoarse voice, so she couldn't sing properly. She lost her voice and they had to get her understudy. I felt really bad for her, but she was really good. She managed to act properly.

The girl who played Elphaba was AMAZING! Her voice was awesome, and she acted really well. We were cheering for Carlo Paguio, and he was an awesome Fiyero.

To sum up everything, Wicked was one fantastic show. From the songs, to the cast, it was a job well done; a five-star rating, deserving a two thumbs-up.

/ top

/ top

It's been about a week or so since I last composed an entry. Tomorrow's the last week of review classes, and this week has been the most crucial.

Last Tuesday, we had our UPCAT mock exam, and we all had our fair share of time pressure, major mental block, etc. The test was LONG and mind-boggling. Time ticked away as we tried to answer all the items.

Personally, I found the test really difficult. I got pressured, and I had to guess occasionally. Calculators were strictly prohibited, so I had to compute for everything manually. It gave me a headache, and I kept on spacing out.

When I got to the Science section, I was relieved because it was the last part. I quickly flipped the page and to my dismay, I realized that there were a hundred and fifty questions. A HUNDRED AND FIFTY! About what? Things that are really pointless.

I mean, who cares about finding out how much carbon goes through the straw when you drink soda? Or what happens when you mix Acetyl CoA with this and that.. bla bla bla. We don't need to learn all of those (unless you're aspiring to be a scientist) and all we need are the basics. General information.

After the UPCAT mock exam, we had a Math comprehension the day after. Then after the Math comprehension was the ACET mock exam (today) and it was LONG! I was enthusiastic when I found out that there was no Science or Filipino, but to my horror, the Math section was laborious. It was even divided into two parts. I had tons of blanks, and very limited time.

We'll check the ACET mock exam tomorrow, and I hope I make it. Mock exams are ten times harder than the actual exams. In a way, they help you because it gives you an idea. You'll know what to expect. They actually serve their purpose. I hope I passed, so I can get the assurance of passing during the entrance test itself.

/ top

Two contestants took their places on the stage one more time, clasping each other's hands as they waited for the final result to be anounced. Inside the gold envelope was the answer, the one answer that would change only one person's life.

American Idol Season 8 has ended with a last song by no other than the winner: Kris Allen. He sang No Boundaries written by Kara DioGuardi. He wore an overjoyed expression, but he kept casting a pitying glance on Adam every once in awhile.

I was hoping that Adam Lambert would be the next American Idol, but you can't blame the voters of the entire nation. I'm also genuinely happy for Kris, because he also deserved to win.

I had supported the entire Season 8, from the auditions to the finale. Admittedly, it has been a stellar season. Each contestant did a marvelous job-- performance level. It was hard to select the champion.

Down to two aspiring-to-be-the-next-American-Idol, it was hard to tell who the winner would be. Over a HUNDRED MILLION votes came pouring it, and some had a hard time casting in their votes. Adam and Kris both had the potential, but there can only be one winner. I guess a lot liked Kris more.

What amazed me was Kris's humility. When he received the trophy, Ryan asked him to say a few words. And if I may quote, he said: "But the winner should be Adam, not me." Awww! How absolutely humble. He of course thanked his hometown, as well as the people who voted for him.

They showed a video tribute for Kris, which contained his very first audition video. Even during his audition, he was humble and soft-spoken. When he sang his piece, the panel was astonished. Kara asked if he was the best vocalist. He replied modestly: "I'm sure there're people out there who can sing better than me." Simon claimed that he lacked confidence, but I believe that it wasn't the lack of confidence. Kris is not egotistical and boastful, unlike some of the other celebrities who think that the world revolves around them.

I hope Kris would remain tractable and docile. There are many famous people who don't even bother to look at their past anymore. Engulfed with the worldly pleasures, they have forgotten to remember who they were before they became known. Human nature.

Anyway, I feel bad that Season 8 has ended. I liked the energy of all the contestants, and each of them had wonderful voices. I look forward to January, the start of a new season.

This season has indeed been the most phenomenal.

/ top

Today's been one of the best. We had our test: Geometry and Trigonometry combined. And guess what? I only got three mistakes! Wow, talk about an answered prayer. It's a miracle, and I've been doing this ridiculous happy dance. I'm sorry, I was just really elated.

Geometry has been my waterloo, and I really detest polygons and circles. I'm slow when it comes to solving, and I'd rather answer Trigonometry problems all day long. I studied hard this morning, and I guess everything paid off. This has been my highest mark-- at least so far.

I sure hope that I can retain everything I've learned so that I can answer the examination easily.

I watched American Idol earlier, and it's all between Adam Lambert and Kris Allen. I sure hope that Adam would win. Adam's voice is just simply marvelous, and he has a wide vocal range. He can reach the high notes with ease, and he's able to sing with such passion. His singing brings goosebumps to the audience. Kris's voice is pretty awesome too, but his range is not as wide as Adam's.

Tomorrow's the finale of Season 8, and I can't help but feel excited. I've been supporting Adam since the beginning. Sometimes, I wish I could sing like Adam. I used to be soprano 1, but my range went down a few octaves so I'm now Soprano 2. I could do Alto too, but I miss those times wherein I could reach the high notes without shutting my eyes. I was able to belt out the lyrics with ease before.

Awhile ago I was singing 'Part of Your World' from Little Mermaid, one of my favorite Disney musicals. I sang it a bit higher, and I was surprised that I was able to reach it. Ever since I stopped voice lessons, my voice had never been the same again. I told my mom that I wanted to take voice lessons again during the school year. Hopefully, we would have enough money by then. For now, we're saving due to the global recession.

/ top

Joaquin and I had lunch together in McDo today. The place was packed, and we saw a lot of people from his section. Drei and Mickey were there too. Drei was showing off his AC Milan shirt, and kept insisting that his middle name was 'Barcelona', which was one of his favorite teams.

We looked for tables but there was none left, so Joaquin and I sat with Drei and Mickey. Vico and Camille came by, and they too sat with us. Chan was able to catch up, although he was slightly late. They all kept fawning over my Sidekick, and said that it was cooler than an iPhone since almost EVERYONE owned an iPhone. Joaquin swore to get one. He said he couldn't wait to have exact phones (copycat!) with the same color: silver.

Lunch had never been that fun. I realized how much I missed people from section D. We talked about soccer, and Mickey mentioned something about working in Jollibee, which made Joaquin say 'I'm not surprised' and that comment made the entire table laugh. Mickey thought Joaquin meant it in a mean way, but Joaquin defended himself, saying he had no malice.

Cam's hair was tied in a ponytail, revealing her additional piercings on her left ear. I kinda miss my piercings. Joaquin made me remove them, and confiscated all my stud earrings. He claims that they look dirty, and I reluctantly let the holes close. Oh well.

We eventually had to leave, because classes started at 1pm sharp. Drei told us to cut (bad influence!) but Joaquin and I refused. Haha, we're such 'good' kids. Next week, we might play soccer with them.

Chan rode with us going back to Ateneo, because his mom was picking him up there. On the way, he showed us his UP application form, and we began to talk about courses. Like me, he had plans of taking up Management Honors in Ateneo. It was a quota course, meaning maintenance of a particular grade.

Upon entering Ateneo, I saw a flock of students walking by with books tucked under their arms, with their ID straps around their necks. They may think that they're just ordinary people who study in Ateneo, but I consider them lucky. Ateneo's my dream school (next to UP) and I would kill to have my very own ID hanging on a synchronized Ateneo ID strap.

I looked out the window and saw the gleaming campus, with its manicured lawns and tall trees. It looked so peaceful and refreshing, compared to the noisy, smoky, highway outside. Ateneo was like a sanctuary. Outside, it's a completely different scenery. Not much trees.

My school is nothing compared to Ateneo. We only have a few trees, and all you can see are cemented pavements and asphalt. It's hot in our school too, even if aircons are provided. It's because we're on a hill (closer to the sun) and we don't have much trees to give out fresh oxygen and a nice shade. It's a different environment.

We studied Math again today. The first part was Geometry. Oh how I loathe Geometry, especially circles. I couldn't understand most of it, but after the 30-minute break, that's when the fun started. The teacher started discussing Trigonometry, and I immediately perked up. I knew the topics by heart, because I really LOVE Trigo. Joaquin on the other hand kept sighing and speaking under his breath, saying how much he hated Trigo.

I pray that the entrance exams would be easy enough to comprehend. I need to keep practicing so that I can be able to solve problems faster. I do hope I pass both UP and Ateneo. Ateneo preferrably. I've never wanted anything so bad in my entire life, and it's all up to God's mercy.

/ top

Our results for the diagnostic test were given today. I felt like a total idiot because I failed. I was astonished because my highest mark was in Filipino. I even got HIGHER than Joaquin. That's hard to believe, because I'm not very good in that subject.

Anyway, I've been having nightmares lately. Last Saturday, I dreamt that a corpse was chasing me with a butcher's knife in its hand. The other night, I dreamt that I had fallen off a building. I had a hard time sleeping after that. I usually wake up in the middle of the night, and I can't go back to sleep anymore.

I don't understand why I've been having bad dreams. It freaks me out. I pray before I go to sleep, and I can't help but wonder why all these were happening in my subconscious. It's pretty dreadful because when I'm caught up in my nightmare, I can't seem to wake up.

They say that if you pinch yourself, you're able to wake up. I tried, but it didn't work. I can't seem to sleep either. I toss and turn. It's a long process, then I eventually fall asleep.

Aside from my sleepless nights, I can't help but worry. My friend(I won't mention his name) got his heart broken recently. He got rejected BIG time, and he's been taking anti-depressants (Valium, sleeping pills, etc.) and I'm afraid that he might overdo it. I hope not.

I'm going to start praying for him. A lot of kids are into drugs, especially at a young age. They get an overdose and sometimes experience relapse or heart failure. Many parents lose their kids because of drugs. It's a total pity, because life has so much to offer you, but you just waste all the opportunities due to the hallucinations and numbness that depressed people yearn for.

I know that I'm never ever going to try drugs. I won't succumb to peer pressure. I've tried drinking, and I never liked it. I never tried smoking. I don't see the point. Why give in to the sinful ways of the world?

/ top

I had my auditions yesterday, and it was a success. Why? Because I didn't get the chance to sing. They just interviewed me and gave me a brief picture of the entire ministry, etc. I realized that most of the rehearsals and practices imposed a great conflict on my schedule. Eventually, I backed out. My dad told me to try again next time.

At least I tried and I showed up. My practicing did not go to waste, because I was able to vocalize and rehearse.

Today, I just finished filling out my U.P. application form. I'm still praying about my future course, so I left that section blank first. I would fill it up soon. I realized that time's running out, and I would eventually have to face my greatest fear: entrance examinations.

I've been hearing endless stories about people who didn't make it to any university, and they had to settle for a college instead. You're only given ONE chance, and with that chance offered, you have to make it. Otherwise, who knows where you'll end up.

There are so many students, but not enough universities to accomodate them all. It's still summer, and people are supposed to enjoy their summer vacation, but this one has been really hectic for me. I've been studying, hoping to absorb everything. It's not exactly cramming, but I do hope that I'm able to retain everything I've been learning.

I know I'm still young. Applying for a university is just a small percentage in life. It's probably just the beginning, and I still have a long way to go. School is different from work. Sure, high school prepares you for life.

But when you're in high school, it's either you pass or you fail. When you pass, it brings victory to you and your family. When you fail, you come home with your report card that brings tears of sorrow to your parents' eyes. Then you strive to do better.

Work on the other hand is a different story. Having a job is difficult, because you have to maintain a certain index or your boss would have to fire you and get a replacement. When you don't reach your quota, you don't just fail. You wouldn't have money to buy food, to pay your taxes and rent, and other bills.

Life sure is tricky, but it's not impossible. My aunt called from Singapore the other night. I haven't talked to her for years. She said that she had a hard time keeping a stable job there. She's already on her third, I think. But despite the negative circumstances she's been facing, she still manages to have a sunny disposition.

While we were talking on the phone, she didn't sound like someone who was being challenged by life. She sounded very wise, and hopeful. She's a good encourager, and her faith in God is stable and consistent. She said that she gets lonely sometimes in Singapore, but God has always been there for her to keep her company.

She mentioned that during her train ride in the mornings, she reads her Bible. She said that both Singapore and Philippines are two lucky countries, because there is no discrimination against Christians. In China, they already banned people from bringing their Bibles. In America, if you are seen reading your Bible, other kids would probably laugh at you or something.

That really struck me, and I realized that I should be contented and that I should make the most out of my spiritual walks with the Lord. I've been praying for my aunt, and I really miss her. It's been four years now, and I do hope she can come home to visit. God improved her character and I believe that someday, God will use her mightily.

God has a wonderful purpose for each and everyone of us. He has big plans for the Philippines too. And someday, he will use us in accordance to his will.

/ top

Tomorrow's the day I audition for the choir ministry. I'm really nervous. I decided to sing Amazing Grace. If not, maybe Hosanna or The Prayer. They're really wonderful songs, but I fear that I might sing one of them terribly, especially when I get shaky. I'm not used to auditioning, and just the thought of it makes me rather nauseous.

I wish I were more audacious and dauntless, but when it comes to singing auditions, I'm the total opposite. Oh sure, I enjoy debates and soccer tournaments, but I NEVER delighted in tryouts. I'm not so sure if I can even manage to tryout for American Idol. I wouldn't dare. Haha, I might faint in front of the panel.

I can still recall my Trumpets auditions. I was enrolled in Street Dancing. Then one day my best friend, Tricia, told me to go accompany her because she was auditioning for the Philippine version of High School Musical directed by the associates of Trumpets.

I ended up auditioning, extemporaneously. Tricia made me audition, and I had to choose a random song. I was not prepared at all. I noticed that all the people had their hair styled, faces done, etc. I was just in my jeans, hoodie, sneakers, and messy hair. Wow, this was meant to be taken seriously then.

The judges stared at me scutinizingly when it was my turn. I was shaking and getting all sweaty. I wanted to get it over with. So I just sang my piece, acapella (others had brought CDs or cassettes with them) and afterwards, they asked if I could dance. I said I could, and they made me dance. Then it was over.

That was the scary part, but there's more to that. They made us sit outside and wait 'til the whole process was over. Then they're going to announce who got in. Surprisingly, they called my name. I was ecstatic, because even though I was not fully prepared, I managed to get in. Oh wow, praise God. But the sad part? It was for call backs. Meaning round 2 on the next day. The first part wasn't the finale after all.

I felt really nervous and you know what I did? I didn't show up the next day. They scratched my name out. Pathetic, huh? That's what I get for chickening out. That's how much I dread and fear auditions.

Hopefully I won't mess up on this one. I've been practicing, and the big day is tomorrow. I can't help but feel rather skittish. I can't wait to get it over with. Oh dear.

P.S. LA Lakers lost. Boo Kobe Bryant, he totally sucked.
P.P.S. I watched the music video of Taylor Swift's new song: "You belong with Me". It's really really cute! You should totally watch it. I still have butterflies in my stomach 'til now. Here's a video from YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGWE3hwJ21U&feature=related

/ top

We had our Math exam today in LSC. It was expectorate. I passed, but I didn't get very high. My seatmate on the other hand had only ten mistakes, smart kid. We were all under time pressure. We were given an hour-- but we started late. I had a hard time with the Inequalities part.

Moving on. My mom decided to pay for the Sidekick and let me keep it (yay!) and I was able to convince Joaquin to get one just like it. He immediately texted his mom and he's having one in June. His relatives from America are coming over to visit. Joaquin's my best friend, and being with him just makes me happy. He's extremely talkative, and he thought it'd be cool to have identical phones.

Anyway, my day started off great. I was jubilant the whole day, and tomorrow I get to bond with OC, Nicole, and Ja in Mcdo. I usually see them, but it's been so long since we actually hung out. I'm in good terms with both my parents and my sister, and we haven't had an argument for about.. 2 days now? Well it's a progress.

Joe also invited me to watch him play in Eastwood tomorrow at 8pm. He's multi-talented, and he plays the violin. He's AMAZING, and a really wonderful person. I hope I can go. It feels great when you're able to support your friends. Haha.

On Saturday, I have an audition for the Music Ministry in church. It's not easy to get in. They make you sing, and you have to sing a few notes with a piano accompaniment, then you have to sing with a group. They'll identify your voice range so you can sing with blending and in harmony.

To be honest, I'M SCARED. I'm not very keen on auditions, and I get all shaky with goosebumps. When I begin to sing, my voice starts to shake and my hands get cold and clammy. Sometimes, I can't reach the high notes. If only I could sing with my back facing the audience. The other people who're auditioning are REALLY good. They can reach really high notes, and they can do special tricks with their voices. IF ever I qualify, I'd probably be the youngest. Oh crud, I feel skittish.

I hope I won't mess up or embarrass myself. That would be awful. I've been practicing already. I have three songs to choose from. I'll probably write the lyrics on my palm in case I forget them. Haha, I have the tendency to do that. Then again, I will sing to only one audience-- God. I have to depend on him, because he controls everything. Please do pray that my singing would be a success. I hope I can get rid of this crazy jittery feeling that has been bugging me since yesterday.

/ top

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I've been pensive lately. Two days ago, my mom went to school to get the UP application form. I scanned the pages and stared intently at the courses they offered. They had so many courses to choose from. I know for a fact that my parents cannot afford to pay the tuition fee of Cornell, Harvard, or Oxford. So I would most probably have to settle for the universities here (UP, ADMU, DLSU) and maybe someday, I can take my master's degree abroad.

For now, I have to decide on a course I would like to take up. This is a very crucial situation. Once I check the box and indicate my course, it would most likely change my life forever. It's a beginning of a new route.

I was thinking of choosing a course that less people would apply for-- but then that would make me a mediocre. I want a challenging course that would be worth fighting for. I have to do good in the entrance exam though. I'm up against all those brainy students from different Science high schools. I heard they can solve 18 math problems in 5 minutes or so. Yes, competition is stalwart and inevitable.

I know that I've always dreamed of becoming a lawyer. My second option is architecture or interior design. My third is psychology. I pray that God would give me a sign, and lead me to the right direction. I need guidance in terms of choosing courses.

I can't help but worry about my future. All of us would want a better tomorrow for ourselves. I was never in a hurry to grow up, and the speed of time overwhelms me. I can't believe I'm actually blogging about college courses. Time sure flies fast. And within those years, I can say that I've learned a lot. Sure, I may not be completely mature, but I learned plenty and God has molded and developed my character.

I shall continue to pray fervently for my future. I pray that God would help me make the right choices and decisions. I will do my best, and wherever he sends me, I will follow. To abide in God's will would lead me to the right places. Please do add me to your prayers. Any prayer requests? Haha. Good night everyone, and may you all have a pleasant morning.

/ top

I've been praying for a T-Mobile Sidekick for as long as I can remember. When I first heard about it, I googled it right away to see what it had to offer. I was fascinated by the swivel screen and its features. It seemed very unique, and to me, it looked so much better than an iPhone.

I kept begging my parents for one. They did their part though. They contacted all their friends who were residing in America and did their inquiries. I would often log in to Ebay and check out all the Sidekicks they were auctioning off.

Sometime later, my mom told me that she had a free phone arriving some time in the day. She said I could have it, so I was psyched. Even if it wasn't a Sidekick, I was still ecstatic. I had a new 'toy' to play with. The phone that arrived was pretty cool, and I totally forgot about the Sidekick.

But TODAY. A friend of my dad arrived from America. He's staying for a few days to spend time with his family. And guess what? He brought home a T-Mobile Sidekick 3. Oh wow. He gave it to my dad and said I could tinker with it and use it for a day or two, to see if it'd be worth it. We would pay php7, 500 if I liked it. If not, we would give it back.

So here I am, experimenting with the Sidekick. Oh how I want it so bad, but then there are slight problems. First of, the signal pretty much sucks. I always lose connection. Second, the graphics aren't really wonderful. So I'm having second thoughts about it. Would it be worth it? Php7, 500 is a big amount, and it's belt-tightening for us due to the financial crisis.

I asked Joaquin if I should purchase it. He said: "Why not? It's your dream phone, and it's finally in front of you. But then again, you already have a new phone. So I don't know." I'm trapped. It would be so cool to actually own one, because not much people have one. Then again, what if it breaks? It'd be gone forever. Sigh. I'm still praying about it. I asked God for a sign. I hope the signal would get better. Otherwise, I might have to let the Sidekick go.

/ top

Two weeks ago, my friend's dad passed away. To this day, the thought still gives me goosebumps. It happened too fast. Her dad was in Cebu, and she was in camp with me. She had to go home to fly to Cebu. Turns out, her dad had a stroke and passed away and the entire family couldn't make it in time. That must have been really devastating and afflictive. They weren't able to say goodbye to him and stand next to him on his death bed.

When death comes knocking at your door, it's inevitable. It brings grief to many people. I gathered some quotes by Morrie Schwartz. I guess you can say today's post's topic is death. Some of these are very good quotes. Not all of them are exactly about death. Some of them simply are bits of wisdom about how to spend your time on earth. I dedicate this post to those who have lost their loved ones, and to those who are grieving, woeful, and distressed.




/ top

/ top

/ top

Today's May 7. The birthday of my sister and my friend Drei Valencia. Happy birthday!

Moving on...


I've been feeling choleric lately. What I'm about to write is not absolute. There are many things that I would want to take back someday. For now, I shall vent. I'm engulfed with mixed emotions such as bitterness, inferiority, vehemence, and iniquity.

This morning, I got into a controversy with my parents. I was innocently getting ready for class when my mom entered the room. She has the tendency to hover, and I dislike it when people hover. We had a misunderstanding over a jacket of mine and we both lost it. She started shouting and speaking in an angry manner, and I felt my need for defense.

My dad heard us from the other room and immediately barged in (thanks to the stupid connecting door) to scold me. How I despise that connecting door. It never gave me any privacy. It leads to my parents' room and vice versa. The lock is on their side, so there's no way I can lock the door. Every now and then, my mom uses it to go in and out of my room, barging in and sometimes forgetting to close it. And yes, she hovers. They barely respect my privacy (especially my mom) and I have to be accountable to them by letting them know the passwords of my accounts. Oh I'm NOT allowed to keep a diary. Well technically, I am, but what's the point of having a diary when your mom makes you show it to her so she can read everything? I keep my deepest thoughts to myself due to that.

Of course, my dad always sides with my mom (duh) and he NEVER listened to my side. I always have to be the one to apologize, and my dad doesn't want to process the things I say. It has always been like that. I begin to explain my side and he interrupts by saying a favorite line of his: "You know Esther, rather than defending yourself, just say sorry and the conversation would be over." Excuse me?! Lack of justice.

So yeah that's how the conversation went earlier. My dad didn't even know the main issue, but he focused on my mistake which was disrespect. He threatened to cancel my summer program and he refused to drive me to LSC. I'm willing to say sorry, but I wish he would somehow listen to me, and not always side with my mom. She's not perfect either, and she makes mistakes too-- but I always take the blame during our constant bickering. I felt extremely turbulent.

Sure, I love my parents and we don't always have disputes. We get along too, but I find myself trapped in this black hole, because I can never reason out with them. Even when they're wrong, I can NEVER explain my side. I'm releasing everything through blogging, so that I am able to shape up later during dinner. I can never express my anger and bitterness whenever I'm with them. My dad HATES it when I cry. He makes me STOP crying because he claims that he doesn't like the sniffling and sobbing sounds. Wow, I'm not allowed to cry my heart out openly. Instead, I let it all out when I'm in the shower, or when I'm alone.

The weather's perfect. Dark and stormy, with lightning and thunder. I tried my best to keep my cool. During the car ride going home, I tried to sound pleasant by initiating a conversation. It all went well until when we got home. I turned on the TV to watch American Idol. Ryan Seacrest was about to anounce who was going to get sent home then my mom told me to switch channels. She wanted to watch the news and weather forecast because my sister has a team building thing in Subic tomorrow. Our family does not take leisure in watching TV, so we only have one. I walked away in a huff because I wasn't able to find out who lost.

Maybe the TV incident's not really such a big deal, but like I said, too many resentments and bitterness have piled up. One slight maneuver, and BANG! There goes the trigger.

Life's really unfair, especially when your dad refuses to hear you out. The worse part is, his words really HURT. He says the same things over and over, like a broken record. He refers to me as an 'ungrateful wretch'. Ouch, big time. That smarts.

He's a great dad, but I wish he could be more understanding, rather than siding with my mom all the time. He doesn't even know what we fight about, but he doesn't care. He just turns to me and begins to rant on cancelling all my priveleges, etc. I don't want the night to end like this. I want to make things right with my parents. And I am going to try. And try really hard.









/ top

My day went off to a terrible start. The incessant knocking on my door was just unbearable, and finally my mom threw the door open. I instantly woke up. She got mad because it was already past 8am, and she wanted me to get up already so I could eat breakfast. I could tell that this day wasn't going to be very good.

After eating, I told my mom that I was going to meet Michie for lunch. We were planning to eat somewhere across Ateneo. I miss Michie, and I haven't seen her for the longest time. My mom apparently said no. Then she went off ranting about her schedule and work. I wanted to snap at her, but I held back. Unfortunately, my dad happened to be listening, and he added A LOT. He was on my mom's side (given) so I felt irked. I cancelled my plans with Michie.

I decided to take a shower to cool off, after I texted Michie. As I was getting ready, I noticed that I was running late so I decided to speed up a little bit. I rushed and was not able to get ready properly. My hair looked flat and lifeless (I'd kill for wavy hair) and my clothes were not really impressive. Oh yes, it's one of those bad hair days.

I finally reached my class, a few minutes late. Luckily, Joaquin saved me a seat up front. I was determined to focus, so I had to change my perspective. I had to excel. After all, it's all a matter of attitude. We started discussing General Science. Okay, I'm not very keen on Science. It's not my favorite subject, but dauntlessness held me in place.

The teacher spoke rapidly, and I had a hard time catching up. So I asked Joaquin a few questions, and he REFUSED to answer me seriously. He thought I was just fooling around, but I really didn't understand the lecture. Joaquin started laughing-- and he didn't stop. So in annoyance, I turned to face the other side. I did my best to ignore him completely. I was beginning to feel aggravated for the third time that day.

To make matters worse, we had a test after-- and I scored low. I instinctively began to blame people, and myself. I felt irascible. After class, Joaquin walked me to my car. We had a slight argument: he wanted to walk faster because it started to drizzle, but I had to walk slowly because the path was rather rocky, and I was carrying so much books and notebooks, plus I have shorter legs so I couldn't keep up with his notorious pace.

In the car, my mom and I had a small quarrel about independence. I told her politely that I was already 17, and that she should start trusting me more, especially in terms of commuting and walking on the over-pass in Katipunan. I suggested that if I start commuting now, it would help me prepare for daily commuting once I begin my college life. She immediately said no, and I felt my tongue lashing out in defense. It increased the tension. To be honest, I find my parents overprotective. I know it's their duty, and that they do it out of love, but sometimes I think it's too much.

That's how my day went. From bad to worse. I cooled off after watching American Idol (Go Adam Lambert!) and I hope tomorrow would start off pleasant. I don't really like feeling grumpy. It's not my cup of tea. Anyway, I'm about to eat dinner so I have to go. Oh and I better apologize to my mom and Joaquin. Resolving a conflict is the difficult part, especially when you're the one who has to say 'I'm sorry'.

/ top

I have always wondered what love really meant. Romantic flicks, Love stories-- even the cliché Disney movies often attracted me. They have the same quirks. Usually the heroine is caught up in a problem of her own. Then here comes her valiant knight in shining armor.

The Knight defeats the conflict. They live happily ever after. The end. Not bad, huh? It’s simply unbelievable. Impossible.

Merely a tale, a story, a fantasy.

Because of those fairytales, I never knew what true love really was. I thought it was based on feelings: conditional and temporary. I never figured it out, never knew what true love was about.

I thought it would always have flaws and imperfections, but I was wrong. All these years, I was actually EXPERIENCING true love.

Genesis1:26. God created man. Us. You. Me. Why? Because he loves us. That’s it. No uncertainties. Pure, genuine love. I Also realized my Prince did come. Matthew2:12. My knight in swaddling clothes, in a manger. He did come. He came for us. For you. For me.

My Savior also saved me from the enemy. Mark17:34. He died on the cross to save me
From my sins. To redeem me. To pay for my unpaid debt. His arms stretched wide on the cross.

Not only did he die, but he came back. Matthew28:6. He resurrected.
My Savior overcame the grave and rose from the dead. With his nail-pierced hands to prove it too.

Then He promised to return. He didn’t allow happily ever afters in reality, because He is giving us the chance to write the remaining chapters in our lives. In those chapters, there are so many to be written; many struggles and changes to overcome. But in the fullness of time, we will all know what will happen.

To those of you who think their savior isn’t going come, He’s actually here. Outside. Knocking on the door of your heart. Waiting to save you. Ready to share his undying love.
Won’t you let him in?

I know my journey with my Savior is just beginning. He wouldn’t allow me to leave the chapters unfinished. As I continue writing the story of my life, I can’t help but be grateful to have experienced such irreplaceable undying love.

With all my heart I sing, I lift my hands, making the most. Because I know someday, when I meet Him, it would be for eternity; reading the finished story we have written together. Our own fairytale that was never a tale at all.


This is all for You. My Savior, my Dad, my King.

/ top

"It’s so important to believe in yourself. Believethat you can do it, under any circumstances.Because if you believe you can, then you reallywill. That belief just keeps you searching for theanswers, and then pretty soon you get it."

-- Wally “Famous” Amos

/ top

/ top

I attended the church camp last Friday, and there was a speaker named Francis Kong. He spoke wisely, and he seemed to know a lot about life. He talked about self-image. Then he asked a very striking question: "Where do you get your worth from?"


I thought about it a lot. Appearance, Acquisitions, Associations, Achievements, or Abilities.




/ top