The ACET is finally over.

Honestly, I feel relieved and ambivalent at the same time. It was hot when I got there. I arrived 3 hours earlier, and I met up with Joaquin, Liza, Billie, Nigel, and Tal. I was nervous, and I was sweating like crazy. I had fun before the exam though, especially with Liza. I realized that we had so much in common, and I wish that we could bond someday.

To make the long story short, the exam was.. well it went by fast. I know that I answered most of the items, I just hope that they're all correct.

Some people claimed to have found the exam easy. For me, I'm not so sure. All I know is that I did my part by working hard and putting my social life aside to study for the ACET. I did my best, and I leave it all to God. I hope he grants my prayer request, because ADMU is my dream uni. And I hope that I pass with flying colors.

After the ACET, my brother took Joaquin and I to T.G.I Friday's. We pigged out and watched ESPN on the plasma screen. After that, we went to Power Books and Toys R Us to browse items. A perfect way to end a not-so-perfect day.

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My life's a mayhem.

I'm so sick of it. I'm depleted.

How much tears I've shed, how much pain I've endured. I'm so tired of going to school, trying to put on a happy face. I'm tired of lifting my head, walking confidently, and smiling at teachers as if nothing's wrong. I'm tired of the sleepless nights, wherein I would lie awake, wondering if the next day would have even just the slightest bit of improvement.

I'm tired of seeing our guidance counselor. I'm tired of trying to think straight. I'm tired of telling myself that everything's going to be okay, and that there will be an end to my misery. I'm tired of doing my best. I'm tired of going after my 'friends', who never took the chance to help me or listen to me at least. All they did was forget about me, just cause our worlds are no longer interconnected. All they ever did was move on, and forget that I was once a part of their everyday lives back in 3rd year.

I'm tired of trying to put my life in order. I'm tired of wishing for a miracle. I'm tired of people constantly asking: "Are you okay? How's your life? How're you doing in school? Do you like high school?"

I would automatically say: "I'm doing fine" then change topics. If only I could put a sign on my head that screams "I AM NOT HAPPY NOW STOP ASKING AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS" in bold letters.

I hate the way people judge me. I hate the fact that many people never gave me the chance to prove that I'm worth knowing. I hate the way you people reduced my status to something absolutely obscure. I hate the fact that everything was taken away from me: My reputation, my friends, being part of the soccer team, and my self-esteem.

I don't need any lecture right now. Spare me all the "God still loves you"s and "It's going to be okay"s. I don't need your comfort either. It's time I've accepted the fact that I'm all alone. That friends can be deceiving. That I don't always win, even if I know that sometimes I deserve to. That I get stabbed in the back all the time. That I'm always going to be crying myself to sleep. That I have nothing.

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Today was absolutely terrible.

It's my first day, if you know what I mean. I was caught off guard and started scouting around the classroom for the solution to the problem. I eventually fixed it, but I still felt uncomfortable.

After a few hours,t he pain started kicking in.

It was HORRIBLE! We had mass due to Mary's birthday and everytime we stood up, it was simply unbearable. The pain in my lower abdomen was excruciating and nasty. I kept wishing for it to cooperate to the desperate pleas in my head. I wanted it to stop cramping, because it was affecting everything.

After the mass, we headed back to our classrooms and I started cursing in my head. The seniors have their own building, which is probably the farthest among the other buildings. I kept complaining on why our classrooms had to be so far and all that crap.

I tried my best to sit still when classes resumed, but I just couldn't stand it. So I asked for permission to go to the clinic. As I've mentioned, the seniors' building is the farthest in the campus, so the infirmary which is located in the grade school building was freaking far. Every step was like calvary. The pain was like hell.

When I got there, they gave me medicine that didn't even help. I was contorting and writhing in pain and they eventually sent me home. I felt awful. I didn't want to miss my subjects, and I started cursing in my head again.

I wish I were a boy. IT SUCKS TO BE A WOMAN!

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Thank God for no classes.

I slept in and woke up at 12nn. It felt good to not wake up at the uncivilized hour of 5am. The cold weather feels SOOO good and it feels cozy to just watch TV and snuggle on the couch under warm blankets with a glass of milk.

I did all my assignments and I can't help but feel pleased because my brother's taking me shopping in Debenhams later. I saw so much preppy outfits (conservative-looking, and nothing sleeveless of course) and I felt bad when I saw the price tags.

Luckily, my uber generous brother decided to buy me a few outfits since he knows how much I love smart, preppy clothes. Plaid, sweaters, t-shirt dresses, oxfords, khakis, I love them all.

I wish it would rain really hard and classes tomorrow would get suspended. I'm not ready to go back to school yet. Sigh.

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Friday was so much fun!

I went to training in Ultra with my other teammates and we practiced our kicking and passing. It was raining and the field was extremely muddy. We kept slipping and sliding and in the end, we were sooo muddy! But I didn't mind one bit, because I had so much fun.

We were supposed to have a game. We're competing for the Ateneo Cup which was supposed to be held at the Ateneo College Field. I shopped for new shin guards, bought Gatorade and everything but turns out, the game was cancelled due to the flooded field. Isn't that sad?

I felt deflated because I was looking forward to the game and I trained hard and everything. But I had a pleasant reward waiting for me.

Joaquin invited me to go to Eastwood so I went home, showered, and tried to dress up as quickly as I could. When we got to Eastwood, I was filled with joy. Surprise, surprise. I saw the Brotherhood and other people from AHS 4D. I ran to Liza and Tal and hugged them both. Tightly, because I missed them so much!

Liza introduced me to her friend, Bri. She seems nice but I didn't really get to talk to her much. Chan kept saying that she was so fun to be with, and I'll take his word for it. I hope I can get to know her better. Poor Liza, after getting off the escalator, she slipped and fell on her butt. I hope she's feeling better. It really looked painful, but she was laughing about it so it shows that she's okay.

Despite the confusing weather and the problems I have to deal with, I am happy. I'm happy because I got to see the people I call my true friends, and it feels wonderful to take a break from all your problems once in awhile and spend it with your quirky, funny, and true friends. Don't you think so?

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First day of the absence of my parents. Already, the house feels empty and quiet. Usually, it's just me and our helper since my siblings are working and they come home late at night.

I miss my parents already, and I emailed them to keep them updated with my daily happenings. I wish my papers would be processed ASAP so I can follow them in California. I'm looking forward to being with them again, and I know that we will have so much fun there.

I had a blast today. I aced two of my quizzes: one in Math, and the other one in Physics. Isn't that great? I keep a record of my scores at the back of every subject notebook per quarter, and so far my second quarter scores are just superb.

I'm back on track, and I can feel it. I feel the motivation and the slightest bit of hope. I haven't accumulated any absences or tardiness either, which is a good thing. I'm finally focused and determined to get fabulous grades, be a consistent honor student, and a great soccer player.

To all those people who have conspired to bring me down and ruin the rest of my senior year, you better watch your back. Because I am decisive to excel and my eyes are on the prize. I'm driven to finish the race-- first place.

Watch out, people. You ain't seen the best of me yet.

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Today started out well.

The Manila Symphony Orchestra performed in our school, and it was just brilliant! The melody, the harmony, the rythm, everything!

I loved the pieces they played, and I'm amazed at how the combination of instruments can produce such wonderful music. I was quiet the whole time, taking everything in, afraid to miss even the tiniest detail.

I enjoyed it so much, and I hope that I can watch their concert soon. Their performance was just alluring, and somehow hypnotizing.

My day started good, but there was also a sad part. We took my parents to the airport. We said our goodbyes and exchanged a round of hugs and kisses, and watched as they slowly disappeared inside the airport. I hope that they have a safe trip, and I am definitely going to miss them.

Three long months.

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September 1st.

19 days to go 'til the ACET, and I am barely ready. So far, I'm trying to familiarize myself with my weaknesses in Math, a challenge I am currently facing. I really want to pass the ACET, and I'm sure a lot of people do too. So I have to do my best and fight the competition.

My parents leave for America tomorrow. My dad's petition has been final. He has already sumbitted my Immigrant's application form, and all I have to do is wait for the schedule of my Medical Exam. After that is my interview with the consul at the US Embassy. Then once my passport and Visa has been mailed, I'm off to America!

My parents are staying there for 3 months. I am going to follow sometime in October, then we will all go home together on the 4th of December. I am absolutely excited. I get to be a dual citizen, and maybe I can take my Driving Test in America if possible. That would be so cool, 'cause they said that my license would be international. Something like that.

I'm going to miss them so much! Three months is pretty long. I wish September would end. I want to get the ACET over with, and I also want to fly out of here and be with my parents. I can't wait for October.

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