My name is Esther Grace Batungbacal. Born in a Christian family with my dad as one of the church pastors, I’ve been exposed to Sunday school and church services. I knew Jesus all my life and have been taught about God by my parents since I was small.

Even though I studied in a Catholic private school, I was a mundane Pastor’s kid, who did both right and wrong, apologized when necessary; memorized verses, and sang praises and hymns. I was always scared to attempt to disobey the Lord. I remained that way until I reached my teenage years.

When I reached my teenage years, I was exposed to the world and since my Faith in God wasn’t very stable, I began to insinuate, eventually abating into sin. I began to rebel towards my parents, be the cause of the constant altercations in school, and show impertinence to the faculty. Swearing, lying, and cursing became a habit. When it came to school grades and other achievements, I had no problem since I was very competitive. I contended with my schoolmates from grades to sports. I did it for my own glory and not for the eminence of God.

At first, I felt guilty because I wasn’t living my life as a full-time Christian but I got used to mocking God so much that I eventually pushed the guilt away. I became very insecure and yearned for something called perfect love. In order to gain that feeling, I went in and out of different relationships, basking in the taste of temporary happiness and enjoying the envious murmurs of my schoolmates. I was an icon of self-indulgence.

I grew insecure towards my older sister. I was bitter towards her and felt extremely appalling and repugnant whenever I stood next to her.

I shunned Jesus from my life and continued controlling my own life, but whenever I stepped into the church grounds, I showed everyone that I was an obedient and committed follower of Christ. I was a hypocrite, and I was a proud and arrogant person. I was living a double life, a mere facade.

Time went on and one of the guys I was currently dating decided to end things. I felt rejected, hurt, and of course devastated. I felt like a deflated balloon and I felt very hopeless. I tried doing other things to make the pain stop, and tried to forget things that needed to be forgotten.

I continued to disrespect the authority of my parents, resulting to low grades and a poor conduct. I came to the point wherein I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I enjoyed slashing my wrists watching the blood drip then afterwards crying myself to sleep. So much for perfect love.

I was hurting. I did not know myself at all. I did not have many friends in church since I had stopped attending the youth group regularly. I did not know who to run to. I thought I was one of God’s mistakes.

Then all of a sudden, I felt tired. I felt tired of proving, I felt tired of controlling my own life and trying daring things. I was exasperated, worn, and distressed. Then I did what I haven’t done for so long: I read my bible. Its pages remained unturned and the cover was dusty.
Slowly, I began leafing through the pages, hoping to find an answer. I stumbled upon the passage of Psalm 139: 15-16: “You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.”
For the first time in my life, I felt relieved. God had spoken to me through the bible and I continued to read more and more. I quit worrying, for God has said in Jeremiah 29: 11: “My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.”

I exposed myself to the Christian crowd and I’m now part of a wonderful dgroup who has helped me grow. As hard as it is, I learned to let go of all the bitterness I held unto, as well as my passive-aggressive and defiant attitude. God has always been there for me and His love is everlasting. I renewed my relationship with God and got baptized on May 29, 2007.

I still struggle and my life isn’t perfect, but I remind myself each day that I should be willing to please God, for it says in Hebrews 11: 6: “Without Faith, It is impossible to please God” and in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, it says: “Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.” I gave up all my wrong habits. I no longer use my voice for lying or swearing, but for singing in the Music Ministry and all for the Glory of the Lord.

I am doing my best and by God’s grace, He’s given me the courage to share the gospel to my school friends and even invite them to our youth group. I am not afraid to make disciples of all nations because Philippians 4:13 says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Renewing myself and my commitment is all by God’s grace and I am prepared to grow in the Lord with earnestness.

Ever since I firmly let God take control of my life, I’ve begun to experience such amazing love that no one else can give me. His love for me is so wonderful that I yearn for more and more of that love of His. God gave me perfect love, and He’s the only One Who can.

I live up to the passage of Romans 8: 38: “And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.” I have found my comfort in God and I will forever cling unto Him. Nothing is impossible with the God who made the Heavens and the Earth, bigger than anyone could ever imagine.
For as long as I shall live I will testify to God, for it is no longer I but Christ and I am who I am, only by the Grace of God.

I am Esther Batungbacal, a Jesus Zone. To God be all the glory and honor forever and ever.