Our dismissal was at 3:15pm today, which was relieving. I absolutely cannot stand the heat in our school anymore. They turned off all the aircon units to impede the infamous AH1N1 virus. The electric fans are not enough, and the topics are difficult to comprehend when you're in the same classroom with 39 other people who (including yourself) are perspiring.

I don't understand why they can't shut the school down. Ateneo's officially closed, I find it rather unfair. I DESPERATELY want to take a break. I know for a fact that it's only been three days, but I've been unambiguously disconsolate.

Liza IM'ed me last night (thank you so much!) and she said that maybe I could transfer to Reedley this school year. Their classes start next week, and she told me that they were still accepting seniors. She gave a brief background about Reedley, and she made it sound so incredible; from the curriculum to the teachers. I wondered if it was possible to switch schools, even if you have submitted your UPCAT form to your current school.

I did my inquiries though. I asked our guidance counselor if it was possible to transfer. She said that the registrar has already collected all the UPCAT forms, and there was no way that I can ask for it back. She also mentioned that if I were to transfer, I wouldn't be able to get a recommendation letter because the authorities in Reedley do not know me personally.

To make the long story short, she gave me a solid 'no'. I cannot change schools anymore, and I felt dejected.

Liza told me that she had her own experience with the mean girls, and how it's like to be invisible. Like me, those from her previous school disliked her for no apparent reason. I told her that I could actually relate, and that I didn't understand why girls can be so evil when you're not able to reach their standards. How judgemental of them.

The sad part is this: I NEVER FELT INVISIBLE. I wish I could be, but my school mates NOTICE me easily. Once I pass them by, they immediately begin to sneer and whisper among themselves. That irritates me-- why can't they just tell me directly? I would love to know what they hate about me. It would hurt, but I don't understand why they have to talk about me, spread rumors, etc.

I'm willing to befriend all those bullies, if they would give me a chance. Girls nowadays can be so cruel. Girl world's hard. With boys, they settle their disputes through fighting. Sure, you'd get hurt physically, but at least it would be finished afterwards. For us girls, it takes a LONG time. Maybe forever, due to grudges and God knows what.

I feel desperate. I'm doing well in my studies, but I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS in my section. I want to transfer terribly, or at least get the school year over with. I hope that I can make it to UP AND Ateneo. For now, I feel hopeless. I willed myself not to cry in vain, but I've been unhappy. This'll probably be my unhappiest year in St. Paul.

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