These are my thoughts and blogging is a good way to release whatever I'm feeling. Please don't judge. Everyone has the right to lament once in awhile.

This is the story of my past:

Throughout my High School life, I was probably the unhappiest student in St. Paul. You see, I always had controversies with my classmates, and I was mostly bullied. My reputation was at stake, rumors about me flying everywhere. Even those who never became my classmates looked at me with such contempt.

It all began with a friend of mine whom I had a huge misunderstanding with. To cut the long story short, I was backstabbed and left with no friends. It had always been like that until I reached my 3rd year.

I felt tired of being the underdog, tired of being judged. I wanted to prove these people wrong, because I knew that deep down, I was not the person who they thought I was. I had spent most of my time in the Guidance Office, talking to the counselor and literally bawling my eyes out to her. I begged my parents to transfer me to another school, because I could not understand girl world.

Last school year of 2008, I walked through the halls of my school with my heavy bookbag, and with my head held high. I was determined to make friends, and I've learned a lot. I did get my wish. I had two best friends, and I belonged to a group of wonderful, quirky girls. I spent my summer with them, and I had the best time of my life.

This year, I was dreading to see the list of sections. We get re-shuffled every year. It would be really lucky if you were classmates with one of your good friends. All month I prayed to God. I prayed for a good section.

The sections were finally posted and when I saw it, my stomach did a double flop. I was placed in a section with people who I did not get along with. I scanned the list and saw no friendly name. To my horror, my two best friends were CLASSMATES again, in a section FAR FAR away from mine.

I broke down for the first time in my life. I began to think that my life wasn't fair, because I bet no one can fathom the misery and pain I have endured in my school for the past years. It's not very pleasant to be the underdog in my school. Of course, I tried to do my best to get along with these school mates of mine, but no such luck. They couldn't accept me and still thought that I was an ultimate b*tch.

I know I have my own flaws, but I believe that I changed-- for the better. And I know that I never tried to do anything atrocious to them. I did a quick check up on myself too, because maybe it's my perspective. But it isn't. Our guidance counselor knows what these people did to me, and I thank her for supporting me all along. I've always cried out to her, trying to release everything.

Now, it's my senior year. My friends are far away all together in a different section. I already sent a letter, appealing for a transfer. I can't help but feel remorseful because I was put in a section with my mean classmates. For the next ten months, I'm with them. That's an awfully long time.

Ten months... My last ten months...

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