My moodswings have been extremely consistent. I'm crabby most of the time. It's like I have my monthly visit everyday.

I constantly get irritated over the smallest things, and I often snap at my mom. Both bitterness and anger are brewing in my heart, and I have this negative outlook in life.

I've never been this depressed, or sad, or hurt. I was rarely angry, but now I'm angry all the time. Hatred has been my number one emotion, and I don't suppose it will go away. Maybe 'til I graduate, or until I find the comfort I've been seeking.

The sense of abandonment has engulfed my heart. My heart feels punctured, all my emotions leaking. I wish it would stop leaking. I'm tired of holding back the tears and pain. I wish I could stop lashing out to people, my mom especially. I feel so bad for her, but I can't help myself.

I wish with all my might that I can stay numb throught the remaining 8 months, which seems awfully long.

My heart has been far from the Lord. I wonder if he can still hear me. Why isn't he answering? Maybe it's because I've been close-minded. I need a miracle..

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