I broke down yesterday-- and somehow, it felt amazing. I felt clean after what happened, and I'm partly glad that I was able to release all the feelings I've bottled up inside.

My sister and I had this slight argument over a dress. We were both getting dressed for church, and we both wanted to wear the same outfit. My sister and I share clothes since we have similar sizes. It's both a blessing and nuisance.

We ended up having a MAJOR dispute, which involved kicking, fists, hitting, and nails. I was so angry, that I couldn't think anymore. I didn't have a strategy, so I just let my anger take over.

I guess it wasn't just about the dress-- it was EVERYTHING. All my bitterness, my hatred, my wrath, my unhappiness-- EVERYTHING.

I ended up trashing my sister's room out of spite. Vengeance. I broke her bottles of cologne, crushed her make-up, shattered her mirror, etc. It was absolutely below the belt, and I am not proud of it. But I couldn't help it at the same time. I could not stop. I was just so fed up with all my problems and unanswered prayers.

My sister and I are okay now, and I'm going to pay her back for all the damages. But I was surprised with my response. I don't give in to tauntings and mockings, but I guess I reached the peak. For one thing, I have so much negative emotions inside, and I don't know what to do anymore.

I've been crying out to God, wishing he would take the pain away-- it's simply unbearable. I wonder if he can hear me. Maybe he's listening. But why isn't he answering?

I need a TRUE friend. Someone who will support me no matter what, no matter how much rumors are present. Boy, a girl can wish. It seems highly impossible.

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