I often wonder why life has been so harsh. Too much pain and turmoil has been inflicted on my very heart. It amazes me, really.

Today went by fast, and for some reason, I didn't seem to care much. I didn't care that my test results weren't as high as last year's, I didn't care that I totally suck in Filipino, and I don't care if it's Lady Gaga's concert today.

I'm numb, angry, and upset all at the same time.

Maybe it's because I still don't understand why life has been treating me so unfairly. Maybe it's because my life is just so disorganized and I don't know how to rearrange it.

I am Esther Batungbacal, who lives for justice, respect, and order. I can't stand it when things go wrong, because I don't have a plan B. There's no plan B for me, only plan A. Maybe it's about time I include compromises and alternatives, so I wouldn't be that infuriated.

All my life, I tried not to fight back or show people my assertive side. But I'm over it. I'm through with looking like a pushover.

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