My life's a mayhem.

I'm so sick of it. I'm depleted.

How much tears I've shed, how much pain I've endured. I'm so tired of going to school, trying to put on a happy face. I'm tired of lifting my head, walking confidently, and smiling at teachers as if nothing's wrong. I'm tired of the sleepless nights, wherein I would lie awake, wondering if the next day would have even just the slightest bit of improvement.

I'm tired of seeing our guidance counselor. I'm tired of trying to think straight. I'm tired of telling myself that everything's going to be okay, and that there will be an end to my misery. I'm tired of doing my best. I'm tired of going after my 'friends', who never took the chance to help me or listen to me at least. All they did was forget about me, just cause our worlds are no longer interconnected. All they ever did was move on, and forget that I was once a part of their everyday lives back in 3rd year.

I'm tired of trying to put my life in order. I'm tired of wishing for a miracle. I'm tired of people constantly asking: "Are you okay? How's your life? How're you doing in school? Do you like high school?"

I would automatically say: "I'm doing fine" then change topics. If only I could put a sign on my head that screams "I AM NOT HAPPY NOW STOP ASKING AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS" in bold letters.

I hate the way people judge me. I hate the fact that many people never gave me the chance to prove that I'm worth knowing. I hate the way you people reduced my status to something absolutely obscure. I hate the fact that everything was taken away from me: My reputation, my friends, being part of the soccer team, and my self-esteem.

I don't need any lecture right now. Spare me all the "God still loves you"s and "It's going to be okay"s. I don't need your comfort either. It's time I've accepted the fact that I'm all alone. That friends can be deceiving. That I don't always win, even if I know that sometimes I deserve to. That I get stabbed in the back all the time. That I'm always going to be crying myself to sleep. That I have nothing.

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